before the last departure

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to keep in dream

I liked your eyes
honest and full of love

I liked your voice
heavy and dignified

I liked your smile
sweet and sincere

I liked when you are walking
manly and full of confidence

then I realized I liked you
but you don’t know me
nor even my existence
I am just no one
for if by chance we’ve met
I bet you will never ever liked me
but I don’t care

I only care my likes of you
and keep it stay in my dream


– mei –

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and…. I could do that too
as same as you did to me
perhaps we could have the same wound
but not the same suffering
perhaps we could miss each other
but not the same loss
I know you could forget me
but I couldn’t forget you
to you I’m just a history
but to me you will always be in my memory



– mei –

the victim

I’m not a toy
I’m not goods
to fight for

you said I am the fruit of love
you said I am the rope of love
is that true?

now where is the fruit and the rope?
is it vanished along with love?
then what am I

your ego and arrogance
had buried your love
ignored my existences
and let me buried in misery

If I could choose
I’d rather not to be born


– mei –



that’s it

it came from my heart

through my mind

like it or not

that is it

- mei -

me and a pen

there are so much to say
and to disclosed
but it just spinning in my head
don’t know how to expressed
my chest feel burdened
my head feel heavy
seems the time goes so slow
and creating boring days


suddenly you came
brought me a pen
I start disclosing the feeling
while you just sit still and watch
slowly my chest felt loose
my head seems mild
but when I realize
you were gone
leaving me and the pen


– mei –





though your traces
fade away
no residual
no record

the memories of you
stored neatly
in my mind
and my heart


– mei –




at the corner of the room
he is moaning, writhing
the demand is heading
sweat, saliva and snot
fused as a stream
his eyes inverted
tongue hanging

he grab the syringe
stabbed in to his arm
then enjoy the drugs
flowing to the body
a delicious torment
created by his own

his mother who sits at the side bed
doesn’t know what else to do
tears on the corner of her eyes

he looked at her with guilty feeling
wipe away her tears
and make promise again
for the umpteenth time
to no longer use it

she just sit flat
doesn’t believe

he knelt down and wept
“I’m not going to make you cry again,
please believe me for the last time”

she hold and hugged him
“keep on promise to yourself,
for me, your promise is just a mirage”

image by : Suki has an opinion
- mei -


“more doubt”
“really doubt”

what the hell

think a minute

be sure

decision has to decide

good or bad

that is result

better than doubt


let me

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empty soul

the colors of night lights

decorate my thought

millions of twinkling stars

lighted the dark of this heart

but still waiting

till the moon shows up

so we can rejoice together

accompanied by the night rhythm

we’ll sing and dance together

to fill the half of empty soul

– mei –

the second chance

at a crossroads
he stood confused
grappling against pleasure and evil
doesn’t know where to go
lost direction led him astray
nobody to ask for
he cried for help
nobody cares
While trying to find the way out
He looks into his self
then realizing
it was wrapped in the mud of sin
the empty soul
cried out in desperation
lament the stigma that tightly binds
For letting him fall into an object
drifting along regrets
when drowning in despair
He suddenly realizes

there are hands lifting him
out of the humiliating body
he just helpless surrender
but  tightly holding
then he grateful
for the second chance given

2011 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,900 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 32 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.