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I am saturated
of translating the night’s songs

I am tired
of counting the stars

I want to go
flying among the clouds
to avoid this loneliness

I want to be blown by the wind
greet the leaves
pinching butterflies
chatting with birds
then my days remain unfilled
and ends with a smile

mei

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if

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if this life is a game
whether I’ll be the player or spectator
if I’m a spectator
then I will sit in place yelling to support the players
but if I am the player then I should win
if life is a theater
whether I’ll be the actor or director
if I am  the actor I have to act very well
but if I in charged as the director
then I have to responsible for the success of the drama
ah ….  so complicated and confusing
perhaps life is not to choose
as well as it can’t be assumed
I guess I have to keep dancing
floating along the rhythm of life
and enjoy the elegance of its music

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an ‘inevitability’

….and I stay stunned
one other soul leave the body
a life changed to a death

if I die…. oh no
I’m not ready yet

suddenly my brain says:
“I knew, you knew… we all knew
every soul that breathes will surely die
because death is an ‘inevitability’
it will come to anyone, anytime, anywhere
no delay… no resist… no exception”

then my heart interrupts:
“it’s not to be feared
if you have enough charities
to get the key of the hereafter”

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“Who are often remembering the death and diligently prepare to face death
will get the serenity of the world and the glory of the hereafter. “

– Prophet Muhammad –

survive

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with burden on my back

I have to walk

with tears and dripping sweat

no complain

just keep walking

but my steps is getting slowly

the burden feels so heavy

no longer able to bear

I am tired but won’t give up

so I put it down

and continue the journey

till time takes my breath away

***

– mei –

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no curves to turn back

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she said to me
my dear daughter
you are walking on the path of life
have you ever ask yourself
if  you have walking on the right path

when arrived at a crossroad
have you asked yourself
which direction should be taken

after direction decided
you have to assures yourself
that you have taken the right one
since there are no curves to turn back

I shuddered
started asking myself
the indecisive  feelings arose
this body shivered
my soul trembled

then she said softly
sweetheart…  if you are not sure
just stop for a moment
ask Him
to lead you to the right direction

***

– mei –

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the answer

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though silence like the night
does not mean I can not talk
I am just trying to understand
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though restless as the clouds
does not mean I can not be still
I am just waiting for an answer
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when I look into the mirror
I can not see my face
but only a grain of sand
that slam by waves to the beach
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when I opened the window
I flown by the winds like a piece of dried leaves
soar and stranded at a pair of legs
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and when I turned up
there are Thy hand
reaching out to me to stand

***

– mei –

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the end of his career

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matador*

This incredible photo marks the end of Matador Torrero Alvaro Munera’s career.

He collapsed in remorse mid-fight when he realized he was having to prompt
this otherwise gentle beast to fight. He went on to become an avid opponent of
bullfights. Even grievously wounded by picador, he did not attack this man.

Torrero Munera is quoted as saying of this moment:
“And suddenly, I looked at the bull. He had this innocence that all animals have in their eyes,
and he looked at me with this pleading. It was like cry for justice, deep down inside of me.
I describe it as being like a prayer because if one confesses, it is hope, that one is forgiven.
I felt like the worst shit on earth”.

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from Best Quotes

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– mei –

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baby for rent

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Every time I pass the hospital’s gate to visit my brother, I saw a young woman begging
while cradling  her baby. As  I know beggars usually looks slouchy with faces to be pitied.
But this one is different, she looks clean and smiles the time receiving the alms.
It’s inviting my attention.

One other day after the visit I have to wait for the heavy rain at the bus stop.
Then I saw her again sitting in the corner but looks gloomy.
I approached her and try to open a conversation, “Hi my name is Mei what’s yours?.
She answered reluctantly, “Kartina”.
“You have a beautiful name, how old your baby is?” while observing the baby.
He was so thin, yellow and his eyes glazed.
She looks at me with a rather wide-open eyes “He is not my baby!” she said firmly.
I was a bit surprised, “Oh I am so sorry…, I thought he is your baby because I saw you
cradle him every day!”.
“I rent him!”, she said with a barely heard sound.
This time I really shocked but try to distract her attention by offering candies.
She took and straightly eat it.
I asked her again, “I often seeing you smile, but today you seem gloomy?”
She replied without hesitation “I only get Rp. 12 thousand since this morning while
the rent of this baby is Rp. 25 thousand for one day”. she stopped, look at me with hope.
“He should be returned at 19.00 every day. But tomorrow they would not let me bring him
if I do not pay today’s rent” she sighed.
“Why should you bring the baby, isn’t that even a hassle ?”
“Well….  by carrying him my revenue could be tripled”.
“How much is your income in a day?”
“Not necessarily, but at least Rp.140 – 170 thousand !” a little pride splashed at the look of her face”.
Speechless ….   didn’t know what to say…..  wondered what was happening in this world.
Left her a little box of candy then said goodbye.
Went home in the cold rain yet the inside of me burning.

After the incident I never want to look at the place she was begging, I don’t have
heart to see the baby in her arms.
I would never know, whether the human moral has been slumped or this life that ruthless.

***

– mei –

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crying in gratitude

when….
he was getting tired
when….
he began to surrender

You hold his hand
and whisper in his ear
slowly …. the helpless legs can be driven

he cry
I cry
we all crying
in gratitude

praise be  to  Allah,
indeed He is the best
His greatness start to work

alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah!!!

***

– mei –

to my dear brother Huki
He that can have patience can have what he will.”

Benjamin Franklin

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yesterday ‘not for’ tomorrow

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the music been played, the song sung  
why you just silent
wandering away in your mind
which flew in the quasi beauty

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everybody dancing, they are laughing
but you …, o dear you just remain silent
infiltrated deep into the past
buried in the mud of misery

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oh dear friend
where the hope that hold
where the dream to achieved
where the hell is your world
why hiding from reality
or maybe this is the destiny that enjoyed
if my friend…., if I could take you
watch the sun crawls from the horizon
watch the red dusk reaching the night
strode across yesterday to meet tomorrow

***

– mei –

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photo: http://www.desktopnexus.com/

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the intersection

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anak_jalanan_111

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those skinny children on the street
who ran and laughed at the crossroads
clapping their hands while singing
naïvely  begging for mercies

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O the children of the street
who seeing to the window car with hoping eyes
sleep on the mattresses asphalt roofed the sky
can not complain to the unjust life

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images

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O the poor children on the street
your dream hanging on the fancy cars
your future scattered, blown by the exhaust fumes
always happy in the heat of the sun nor rain 

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the light had changed green
and the deafening horns shocked me
which glued on the steering
thinking of my children…. how lucky they are

***

 mei –

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photos from google

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life is life

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a new day was here
another chance to take
another problem to deal with
another result to be accepted

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if life is a journey
why I have to remember
the mouths to be fed
the souls that leaning on my back

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if life is beautiful
why I have to bear
the demands that trailing
the responsibilities on my shoulder

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then the doubts began to envelop this heart and mind
sitting pensive and wonder
what else lies up ahead
 
but after watching this video

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 though didn’t understand the wording
somehow I just know that life is life
depending on how to enjoy it

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– mei –

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I’d rather closed my eyes

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if I close my left eye
I would see beauties and peacefulness
really  wonderful

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if I close my right eye
I would see violence and jealousy
  so pathetic

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when I open both eyes
I would see suffering and oppression
that broke my heart

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oh dear….., I’d rather closed my eyes
sleep on the land of God
seen nothing but love

***

– mei –

photo: http://www.desktopnexus.com/

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understand in whole

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In the lyrics of a song
there is sad or glad

in the verses of a prayer
there is demand and repentance

in the game of love
there is sadness and happiness

in life
I just knew
I had to live it
with laughter and tears
with good and evil
through sick and healthy
overall packed in one suitcase
labelled “understand life in whole”

***

A big thanks to Kamel for the image.

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– mei –

a glorious sadness

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memories seeps through the veins
the sweet brings a smile
the bitter brings tears
that pronounced in the prayer
in a heartbreaking melody
with the hope to be materialized
tipped on the edge of exhaustion

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the days gone by
the year changed
waiting and hoping
the arrival of a loved one
through the summer and the fall
at the end remains the same
lonely and forgotten

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there is no difference
between empty and weightless
or lonely and forgotten
perhaps it’s a glorious sadness
for the efforts that been done
which the end will be the same
being lonely and forgotten

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“Mom… I promised you will never ever be put in a nursing home, God knows how much I  love you!”

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– mei –

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image : http://www.desktopnexus.com/

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withered before bloom

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a  flower withered before bloom
undermined by an amoral father
destroy a half of her soul
cuts her entire dream

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the withered petals floating
among the bubbles of hatred
bobbing above a pool of tears
wondering when will its end

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a part of her soul  been vanished
empty like a starless night
she has no wills

live …. without life

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– mei –

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NEVER TAKE LOVE FOR GRANTED

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A very poor man lived with his wife.
One day, his wife, who had very long hair asked him to buy her a comb
for her hair to grow well and to be well-groomed.

The man felt very sorry and said no.
He explained that he did not even have enough money
to fix the strap of his watch he had just broken.
She did not insist on her request.

The man went to work and passed by a watch shop,
sold his damaged watch at a low price and went to buy a comb for his wife.

He came home in the evening with the comb in his hand ready to give to his wife.

He was surprised when he saw his wife with a very short hair cut.

She had sold her hair and was holding a new watch band.

Tears flowed simultaneously from their eyes,
not for the futility of their actions, but for the reciprocity of their love.

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To love is nothing, to be loved is something
but to love and to be loved by the one you love,
that is everything.
Never take love for granted..!!

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Shared from  Believe In Your Self & What Other Thinks Won’t Matter

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– mei –

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if yes is the answer

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Let me be the verses of love

to be with you in solitude

and fill the lonely nights

with dreams

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Let me be the verses of life

to wet the barren of your hope

and strengthen the fragile soul

with confidence  

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let me be the verses of song

to entertain the sadness

and lifted your passion

through the tones

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take me

if yes is the answer

in your memory

in your heart

in your days

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– mei –

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the song of bamboo leaves

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I slowed my step

watching the lodge carefully

the bamboo leaves was increasingly shade and skewed

but the lodge was still the same

as the last time I came

nothing has changed

when I opened the door

as if I saw my grandmother

sitting in her rocking chair

staring out the window…. humming

then I see myself come, clinging and question her

you are humming grandmother,…. what song?

oo ….  just follow the song of bamboo leaves my dear

a dragonfly passed by in front of my face

disperse my musings

I enter the lodge and sit on grandma’s rocking chair

try to understand the thing that she did

in silence …. I began to hear

a lovely song

I let it flow within this soul

to blend with the memories of my childhood

the song of bamboo leaves

filled my longing of grandma’s warm hug

***

– mei –

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