lonesome

sail the ocean under the silver moon
lulled in a deep stillness
maybe you are longing
maybe you are in blue
maybe you are in lonesome

walking on the fallen leaves under the rain
lulled in deep lonely
I am longing
I am in blue
I am lonesome

you are alone
I am alone
we are lonesome
hoping the dream comes

*

 mei

***

the remaining longs

*
street lights shining dimly
night wind blows a scent I’ve ever known
thrilling the remaining longs
oh that feeling is still there
*

rain began to fall
like silver needles pierce my veil
I sheltering in front of a store
wishing I was with you
*

waiting for the rain to stop
the memories about you venturing
you was the one who sow the seeds of love
you let grow large with leaves of longing
but then you left it drought
the tree of love languish
*

in this solitude
I wondered
why we met if then have to split
why should there be love
if it only makes us miserable
oh God wish I knew your purpose
*

I shudder …..  walk home in the rain

***

– mei –

*

lullaby

*

Source: Uploaded by user via Mei on Pinterest

*

goodnight little baby….,  goodnight

turn off the light…., sleep tight

feel free to coloring your dream

before your gentle smile touched by problems

before the tempest inflict you tears

before vinegar drips into the clarity of your soul

sleep little angel…., sleep quietly in my cradle

my prayers will be  the shade of your soul

my support will be the pole of your self-confidence

my lap will be the place of your spilling tears

sleep my love….,  sleep quietly

I will always be here

 heaven chose me to be your mother

***

– mei –

*

 

pledge in a song

*

181620_371338716303272_1407459127_n

I’m just an old singer
though blind
I will always sharing cheers
till this voice lost

I’m just an old singer
though frail
I will not stop singing
till this lips stop moving

suddenly the voice lost
no lips moving
clouds creeping weak
birds flying marched
leaves sighing sadly
drove her to the last place
and the wind blowing gently
exhales the promise in her song

***

– mei –

*

photo from google

*

the bitter-sweet of reality

*

*

if she glances the leaves would fall

if she smiles the birds would also smile

and when she hummed the grass would sway

her charm tempts the butterflies

her fragrance invited bees

she is the rose

growing in the wild bush

she possessed the beauty

that used as the decoy

to sell a momentary pleasure

filled her days with ecstasy

dedicate her life for money

sank so deep into contemptible

and hard to rise to the surface

  *

*
the winds of change are always blowing

changed the pleasure with regret

replace the ecstasy with pain

that occurred cannot be canceled

the beauty she possessed

cannot be used as the shields of sorrow

the bitter-sweet of reality has to swallowed

***

– mei –

*

photo: http://www.desktopnexus.com/

*

a glorious sadness

*

 

*

memories seeps through the veins
the sweet brings a smile
the bitter brings tears
that pronounced in the prayer
in a heartbreaking melody
with the hope to be materialized
tipped on the edge of exhaustion

*


the days gone by
the year changed
waiting and hoping
the arrival of a loved one
through the summer and the fall
at the end remains the same
lonely and forgotten

*


there is no difference
between empty and weightless
or lonely and forgotten
perhaps it’s a glorious sadness
for the efforts that been done
which the end will be the same
being lonely and forgotten

***

“Mom… I promised you will never ever be put in a nursing home, God knows how much I  love you!”

***

– mei –

*

image : http://www.desktopnexus.com/

*

a mother’s love

*

*

My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment.
She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me.
I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.
The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘Eeeeee…, your mom only has one eye!’

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear.
I confronted her that day and said,
‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’

My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said,
because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.
So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own.
I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts.
Then one day, my Mother came to visit me.
She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her,
and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited.
I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!
“Get out of here! Now!!!”

And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry.
I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.
After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear.
They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

*

‘My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.

I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.
But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.
I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see……..when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye.
As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye.
So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place,
with…. that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother.

*

shared from Moral Stories

***

– mei –

*

*

the whisper of femininity

*

*

1266169-bigthumbnail

*

close your eyes for a moment

take a deep breath

carefully hear it

the soul of your femininity is whispering

please realize that you are beautiful as a rose

feel  the fragrant and spread it

show the beautiful color with proud

but hide your thorns if not necessary

let the vision be the guidance

allow the mission to clear your path

as you step boldly for being a wonderful woman

you’ve been created for life’s sweetness and bitterness

and ready to jump over the obstacles

again…., take a deep breath

you are lovely as butterfly

feel  the beauty of the wings

keep up to always be strong

to fly if you were not appreciated nor respected

and inappropriate to be underestimated

you are so valuable

now….  open your eyes

it’s time to live it with confidence

but fly away….

if you’re self-esteem was trampled

***

– mei –

*

Value of woman (reblogged)

Pass on your lady friends to remind them how fantastic they are!!!
Pass it on to males you know…., sometimes they need to be reminded!!!

in my shortcomings

540406_381146691931265_51671261_n

gave birth to you was beauty

raising you was my liability

leading you is my duty

loving you is a loveliest pleasure

your hopes are my prayer

your struggle is my pain

your tears is my anguish

your wound is my suffering

in your dark I will be the eyes

in the drought I will become the rain

in the storm I will become the shelter

in your battle I will be the shield

for you …. I willingly sacrifice

for you …. my love is unconditional

because of you….. my breath has meaning

***

– mei –

Dedicated to  my beloved sons Romeza, Rolanzi and Ronizar
with all the shortcomings I will always try to give my best …
though I knew perfection only belongs to Allah SwT.

With  all my love,
mommy

***

*

the same old song

the expectations moving

the dream squirmed

the passion raised

the tired of hiding

dragged her to stand up against the storm

but the heart was not strong enough

to raced with the past

the cloud came back

in blackish gray

the lightning strikes

throw her back

to the place where she ever been hiding

to heard the same old song

in different lyrics

***

– mei –

ooo

live in the cup of death, dead in the cup of life.

Continue reading

the gamble of love

the flavor of love
cradles the beauties
luring the pleasures
no reasons to be rejected
at the other side
disappointment shadowing
hopes shrouded by uncertainty
no signs of pain
no pictured of sadness

when love game begins
eyes were blind…, ears were deaf
vinegar tasted like wine
unwittingly shadowed by bitterness

her destiny was to be touched by the fingers of love
and created to sipped the wine of love
that always sweet at first
might be bitter at the end

she
that intoxicated by the poison of feeling
trapped in her love destiny

she
could become a hopeless drifter

***

– mei –

counting the sins

there is a place that I love to hear its name

known as a wonderful place

and they called it

heaven

and

there is also a place that I often hear its name

known as the hottest place

as they called it

hell

I pondered and ask my self where should I go

whether heaven or hell

I really don’t know

so I think

better to begin counting my sins

***

– mei –

the impact of red roses

when I get a bunch of red roses at my door

without name…., no messages

this feeling says…. it’s you

but I am not so sure

Continue reading

a cup of love

 

no …., not sweet promises that I expect
but just one word
“sharing”

no …., not persuasion that I expect
but just one word
“understand”

no …., not the intimacy that I expect
but just one word
“sincerity”

no …., not gold or diamonds that I ask
but just
a cup of your love

then ….
I would run into your arms
and announced the world that
I’m in love…

***

– mei –

her smile

her name is Layla
a woman who’s broke by love
her tears falling quietly
but she smiles

her name is Layla
a woman who trapped in the bitter of love
her heart shattered into pieces
but still she smiles

though passion has died
her soul still hovered in hope
thoughts was dragged into reverie
and living like a broken mirror

her name is Layla
a woman who wondering
whether there any love left
smiles unhesitatingly

***

– mei –

in her eyes


A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?”

“Because I’m a woman,” she told him.
“I don’t understand,” he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.”

 

 

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“All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Then, he put in a call to a Priest .

When the Priest got on the phone, he asked, “Why do women cry so easily?”
Priest said:
“When GOD made the woman she had to be special.

He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
HE gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many
times comes from her children.
HE gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up,
and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
HE gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances,
even when her child has hurt her very badly.
HE gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her
from his rib to protect his heart.
HE gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife,
but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfaltering.
HE gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.”

this world without you


I can hear you cry but cannot see you

I could feel your pain but could not touch you
I seek for you but you are hiding
silent….. in your blue shade
up on the fragility of a woman
which dragged me into dilemma


woman ……
if I could dried your tears
if I could shared your pain
then we will cry together
but you just keep quiet
and I cried alone

woman ……
your beauty is a treasures
your sincerity is soul whispers
your existence is blessings
and your miracle is being born as a woman
you are destined to human presence
where the dreams of every man leaning
where the expectations of child depending
I am amazed and soluble in a thought
how lame this world without you
your charm captivates
with a smile as arrows
tears as the shield
that hides behind the fortress of beauty

oh woman
why should you covered in blue
which I cry for

***

– mei –

a never ended love



take ….. take me to heaven
 
fly ….. fly me to heaven

just to be with him
 
please tell me
is there a stairway to heaven?
let me find it so I could be with him
 
my love
you are so far
come, please come
touch this longing soul
let the love flowing through
 
keep it flowing
though separated by death

keep believing
our love will never end

***

– mei –

Continue reading

swirling in alleged

maybe I embarrassed
let my self hiding behind the curtain of doubt
and keep my feelings stay inside

*

maybe I’m blind
didn’t see the time pass through my view
and let the chance slip away

*

maybe I’m stupid
let my mind laying in regret
with the wish which difficult to expressed

*

maybe if I meet him again
I will take the time to expressed
the feeling I felt deep inside

*

maybe he’ll listen, or laugh, or think I’m crazy
or
maybe he’ll ignore me and just walk away
and
maybe I will not able to say and keep spinning in alleged

Continue reading

to be a beautiful woman

What Makes a Woman Beautiful ?

A Beautiful Woman uses

her lips for truth

her voice for kindness

her ears for compassion

her hands for charity

her heart for love

and for those who don’t like her

she uses prayers.

 

author unknown

***

– mei –

thousand meaning of smile and tears

***

– mei –

from the rib of men

she was created from the rib of men to
to be at his side
to love him
to be the mother of his child

she was created from the rib of men
does not mean that
she could be colonized
she could be denigrated
she could be treated arbitrarily

she was created from the rib of men
to remind that she is behind his success
to remind that she could be behind its demise
to remind there will always be women in his life

she was created from the rib of men
to be loved
to be protected
to be respected

she was created from the rib of men
to be his mother and his daughter

***

Indeed, women were created from a rib. Actually the most crooked part of the rib is the top.
If you want to straighten it, you’ll break it. And if you want to have fun with her,
you can have fun but in her there is bent.”
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

***

This issue specifically addressed by the Prophet.
Because in the eyes of Allah women is equal to men in terms of faith.
Women were created from a bent rib, it does not mean that she is bent (ugly).
It’s just a matter of function, where men and women have their own functions.

Let’s look at the shape of a crooked rib, it serves as the framework that make body strength.
So she was also a part that can build and uphold life. Many of soft organs protected by the crooked rib.
As with women, she could take care her children and family’s life.
Crooked is not a form of weakness of women, therefore the Prophet said to counsel women on good terms.
It’s to keep the female psyche for not be broke, so she can execute her primary function
as a mother, wife, as well as her own.

Since the women’s task was given by Allah, therefore He has given the strength to them.
One clear example is the pain during giving birth, it’s an extraordinary power given
by God to women as the hereditary successor.
A good child born from the greatness of a mother who cares and raise them.
Behind the success of a husband, there is a great wife who accompanied and support him.
If women are treated well, then her soul awakened to compassion and patience.
Love and affection all the time in assisting children and their families without feeling hurt or disappointed.

***

– mei –

she is a woman

smell the flower’s fragrant
you’ll know her scent

behold the beauty of butterfly
you’ll see her beauty

see the clear morning dew
you’ll see her tears

she is vulnerable as flower
she is fragile as butterfly
as fragile and vulnerable as her heart

listen to the sweet rhythm of a song
you’ll understand the meaning of her smile

watch the color of flower and butterfly
you’ll understand the color of women’s life

***

***

– mei –

Continue reading

me and part of my journey

   
if I have to look forward
I do not know what kind of obstacle will be found
could be some twists
or pebbles and thorns
that need to stepped on
fallen tree or river to jumped over
or even deadlock
but it’s just a guess
I leave everything to Allah
while I take a rest
I try to recall over my life
which was not as smooth
as the road of my hope

I often making mistakes
I had to face kind of problems
I had to lost some people I’ve loved
and brought me familiar with sorrow
I have to pass through over various hurdles
to be tough
as what I think now
and
sssssssst ……., I am a crybaby
but that does not mean I am weak
because
mistakes has taught me to be more careful
problems  costed me to  be stronger
sorrow created me to be more steadfast
and remorse?
I hope it will not happen again
a dream?
I do have a very simple one
to always be a loving caring person
I realized it’s not easy
but I will try with the help of Allah
there is words that I believed

good intentions will bring good results
لا حول ولاقوة إلا بالله
La hawla wala quwawata illa billah
(there is no initiative or ability except from Allah)
So this part of my journey
which I sincere accepted as blessing
though not perfect,
lot of mistakes
many problems
it reminds me that I am real
I am human
I am me

***

– mei –

 

the dignity that mortgaged

the lamps weakly spreading its light let the yellow haze licking the road

as if it wanted to say frankly to the silent night

to expel those flirts women that offering their bodies

who’s waiting in the dim with friendly smile on their lips

hoping for men

looking for money

the windows shop are watching pity, seems like want to complain

but to whom?

all seemed do not want to know

anxiety and anger fenced, like storm in the world’s prison

seeking answers to the fate of some women that had been torn

heart struggling and the soul crying, but was unable to act

all just silent

all speechless

does the nature knows why some women had to pawn their dignity

there is no answer

not even a word

disappointment was laying unanswered

of the dignity that mortgaged

– mei –

Continue reading

since I left my heart

 

 

I left my heart under the wet ground
sprinkled with rose petals
to make it look beautiful from the taints of disappointment

I left my heart under the wet ground
sprinkled with white jasmine
to make it look clean from the taints of pain

I left my heart under the wet ground
covered with the smiles
for no one would know that my soul is crying

now I have no heart
I would not know any of pain
since I cannot feel anymore

suddenly someone put a little piece of love in my hand
and said take back your heart then give it to God
let His love heal the pain

Continue reading

have not had the time to bloom

Mom,
you had said I must be patient and courageous
so I want you also be patient and courageous to faced this

you said if I cry then I will look ugly
so I want you not to cry
then I will remember you as beauty as seen

you had taught me to sincerity give and be given
so I want you to sincerity release me


oh my mother

please do not cry
I am not going too far
just to be close to God
as you said that God loves his children
well I am one of them
and I think He misses me
therefore He asks me to come closer

Mom,
I know that you will miss me
as I will also miss you
I hope you could release the sense of longing
by seeing those flowers in our garden
cause I would be among them
as a flower bud that have not had the time to bloom
although not for quite long
I am grateful of being your daughter
I love you mother

What sins has a woman committed?

One other part about women excerpt from The Broken Wings by Kahlil Gibran.
I think it’s powerful and the meaning was so deep.

What do you think?

Oh, Lord, what has a woman done that hath offended Thee?

What sin has she committed to deserve such a punishment?

For what crime has she been awarded everlasting castigation?

Oh, Lord, Thou art strong, and I am weak.

Why hast Thou made me suffer pain?

Thou art great and almighty, while I am nothing but a
tiny creäture crawling before Thy throne.

Why hast Thou crushed me with Thy foot?

Thou art a raging tempest, and I am like dust; why, my Lord,
hast Thou flung me on the cold earth?

Thou art powerful, and I am helpless;
why art Thou fighting me?

Thou art considerate, and I am prudent;
why art Thou destroying me?

Thou hast created woman with love, and why,
with love dost Thou ruin her?

With Thy right hand dost Thou lift her, and with Thy
left hand dost Thou strike her into the abyss,
and she knows not why.

In her mouth Thou blowest the breath of life,
and in her heart Thou sowest the seeds of death.

Thou dost show her the path of happiness,
but Thou leadest her in the road of misery;
in her mouth Thou dost place a song of happiness,
but then Thou dost close her lips with sorrow and dost
fetter her tongue with agony.

With Thy mysterious fingers dost Thou dress her wounds,
and with Thine hands Thou drawest the dread of pain
round her pleasures.

In her bed Thou hidest pleasure and peace,
but besides it Thou dost erect obstacles and fear.

Thou dost excite her affection through Thy will,
and from her affection does shame emanate.

By Thy will Thou showest her the beauty of creation,
but her love for beauty becomes a terrible famine.

Thou dost make her drink life in the cup of death,
and death in the cup of life.

Thou purifiest her with tears, and in tears her life streams away.

Oh, Lord, Thou hast opened my eyes with love,
and with love Thou hast blinded me.

the graceful drama of woman’s life

 
         
love
is a beauty feeling that bind woman
closed her eyes with misty dreams
overpowers of her fears of disappointments
that could make ache and sorrow
as strong finger grasps her
might create life-like a narrow prison of hopes

to giving birth
a beauty feeling of sacrifice for happiness
closed her eyes of spider web of risk
overpowers of her fears, for a life
which placed in her might be as the spectre of death
and ties her down to the skies of responsibilities
but create her life completely as woman

the true
love is between her, husband and kid
a woman will sees nothing but
a force of silky and soft of their hands
slowly pressed her to spread her love and swallow the sorrow
that forgotten her smile and drained her tears
through the shadows of love, happy, and death

woman
have to drink the poison of her destiny
from the cup of gratification of two forces
to understanding the reason of suffering and happiness
to the true meaning of the joy of life
as the blessings affection and kindness
of the graceful drama of woman’s life
 
 
   

 
 
 
 

swirling in bitterness

 

 

 

 

through the blue haze

I see the darkness of my soul

somewhere lay and frozen in time

swirling in bitterness of love pain

I heard the sound of silence calling

at a glance I feel you’re here

at the time….., I swear I want you

but just keep swirling in bitterness


morning shine of amber light

at a glance I let this promise end

at the time….., I swear I feel free

from the bitterness that swirling in my soul

with a little wish that lived inside

I hope to see my soul in a moment

to remind that I am suffering by my sanity

for loving you in a world away

***

– mei –

)0(

 

 

sincerity

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you suckle at my breasts

you fall asleep in my lap

you cry in my arms

you sick I awake

Your wish is my prayer

your trouble is in my mind

my face lines carved by your tears

my tears to pay your suffering

I hide my misery

but keeping you happy

I sacrifice my hopes

but lash your spirit

not a cent in return

just

love and respect

you are not aware yet

I believe you will…, one day

the time you became as me

the time you became a mother

at that time you will understand

the sincerity

of being a mother

 

 


 

just wishes

I dance while crying in the rain

hoping this faith will no longer tempted

by a momentary lust

 

I dance while crying in the rain

wishing for no more mistakes

caused by worldly vices

 

I dance while crying in the rain

hope that body and soul will cleaned

of disgraceful thoughts and actions

 

when the rain stops

the wishes gone

I did not became clean

even

wallowed in the mud of dilapidation

 

that woman is ….

I sit still
listening to the language of the heart
as if living in a world that far out of reach
where the bitterness and anguish hiding
which ready to come while in lulled

I sit still
trying to understand the language of the soul
hear the silence whispered to this heart
about woman’s existence on the stage of life
about the role that she plays

I begin to ask
what role is given
the silence whispered to my soul
she will arouse a passionate
she arouses the curiosity
like a flower that blooms without the aid of the season
woman is a beauty that cannot be understood
such as the softly melodious music sang by wind
such as the dew sparkling on sunny morning
such as butterfly that flies on approaching
she will be adored at her youth
but then will be forgotten when she grizzled
a fat and weak body waiting at the kitchen’s corner
such as leaf which ready to fall when the snow coming
such a tree eaten by termites and ready to fall
disappointment for no respect carved
but no tears dripping

I was stunned
and my body vibrates
heart and my soul become hustle and bustle
since that woman is me
again the silence whispered to my soul
you are the mother of your kids
which one day became
man and woman

***

– mei –

*

the old days

*

one day

when no one wants me to persuade when crying

when no one asks me to cure while in pain

when no one asks  me to prepare food at when hungry

when no one is looking for me when arrived home

*

then ….,

I will feel useless

and feel left out

alone

at the old days

***

– mei –


 

my guardian angel

Continue reading

bleeding heart

You look at me with those daunting eyes

As if wanting to swallow

The words sharp as  a knife

As its slicing through myself

Tearing this fragile heart

I can feel the pain

But couldn’t avoid

The feeling is too strong

Blinded my eyes

Deafen my ears

Covered my mind

I want to run away but couldn’t

My legs are embedded

In the feeling of love

Which no longer able to distinguish

Pain or love


Time to time

The wound is starting to fade

Although heart still hurt

Scratches imprinted

And the feeling is still there

I slowly sewing the tearing wound

Fix it  so as not too painful

Suddenly

You come back with the same sharp knife

And stab it on my sewing wound

Oh…. So painful

Too pain to say

Blood everywhere

Wetting both embedded feet

Ooh ….. I can pull it out

Then run away from you

With bleeding heart


Why must be her…?

at the time you came to me
seems something you wanna say
struggling to be expressed
but no words spoken

then you look around
don’t understand what is happening
and again…, try
still nothing appears
you crouched in despair
venting with eyes teary

when I look at your face,   then I see your eyes
I knew there was so much you want to say
but still can’t
heart feel like slicing
the world seems falling
too hurt to believe
my dear little angel
you’re too innocent to understand
your deaf is my pain
your mute is my wound
and your misery will always be mine too


 

Missing you

 

whisper of yearning caressing,
as if you are here
the longing builds
like a storm on the horizon
tears falling
like rain with no doubt
tearing the heart that scratched
of losing you……,

as I watch you walk away,
I screamed and begged
“please…….. take me with you!”
but you keep walking away
the chains of lonely bind me again
waiting for you to release
and take me with you……,
though just a small part of my heart

 ***

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