you leave without cues
like dust blown by the wind
the inside part of me goes
floating on the waves of my days
I love you best friend
longing to share
like stars with the night
like loyal dews to the dawn
every single moment has jealousy
how happy you are up there
floating among the clouds without load
while me….
collecting second by second
counting time to be with you




an ‘inevitability’

….and I stay stunned
one other soul leave the body
a life changed to a death

if I die…. oh no
I’m not ready yet

suddenly my brain says:
“I knew, you knew… we all knew
every soul that breathes will surely die
because death is an ‘inevitability’
it will come to anyone, anytime, anywhere
no delay… no resist… no exception”

then my heart interrupts:
“it’s not to be feared
if you have enough charities
to get the key of the hereafter”


“Who are often remembering the death and diligently prepare to face death
will get the serenity of the world and the glory of the hereafter. “

– Prophet Muhammad –

dancing above the questions



through words I let this self danced above the questions

what is life and what is death

why we have to survive to live if dead is peacefulness

so many mysteries in this world that questionable

creates so many curiosities and foster a self creativity

I do not want this curiosity die

it would caused this self creativity stopped

then my life would be monotonous as a robot

a significant life

right ….that’s my wish

so I will keep dancing above the questions

stepping honestly …. moving relentlessly

though the answers obtained yet not satisfactory

again I let myself continue dancing above the questions

spin and keep spinning like earth

till the meaning of life be understood




life & death



the life asked the death:

“I wonder. why people loving me but hate you?”


the death reply:

“Because you are a beautiful lie while I am a painful truth.”


quoted from Yanassanti Hasnam


– mei –




the missing smile




it has lasted long enough

moaning and sighing resignedly

like a melody …. but sounds poignant

the time almost stopped

“stay with me Ning” I said

but the death pressed his chest

unplug his suffering

and there’s a smile on his face

which been missing for nearly two years

“goodbye Ning”

might be the best … for you

and I turned away

took the pictured of your last smile

where the stories of our friendship stored


Dedicated to my best friend ‘Ning’,
who fought against throat cancer for almost two years.
Sad of losing you but also relieved that you freed of pain.
You will always be in my heart my dear…. always.


– mei –

a never ended love

take ….. take me to heaven
fly ….. fly me to heaven

just to be with him
please tell me
is there a stairway to heaven?
let me find it so I could be with him
my love
you are so far
come, please come
touch this longing soul
let the love flowing through
keep it flowing
though separated by death

keep believing
our love will never end


– mei –

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it was time

I was here

when she planted the seeds

I was also here

when she provided fertilizer to the growing trees

I was hanging around

when she watching the flower buds begin to appear

and now I am here

picking the blooming flowers

to sprinkle on her grave

I believe she would be happy

sleeping under a sprinkling of

her last flowers

which could not be seen


– mei –

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What sins has a woman committed?

One other part about women excerpt from The Broken Wings by Kahlil Gibran.
I think it’s powerful and the meaning was so deep.

What do you think?

Oh, Lord, what has a woman done that hath offended Thee?

What sin has she committed to deserve such a punishment?

For what crime has she been awarded everlasting castigation?

Oh, Lord, Thou art strong, and I am weak.

Why hast Thou made me suffer pain?

Thou art great and almighty, while I am nothing but a
tiny creäture crawling before Thy throne.

Why hast Thou crushed me with Thy foot?

Thou art a raging tempest, and I am like dust; why, my Lord,
hast Thou flung me on the cold earth?

Thou art powerful, and I am helpless;
why art Thou fighting me?

Thou art considerate, and I am prudent;
why art Thou destroying me?

Thou hast created woman with love, and why,
with love dost Thou ruin her?

With Thy right hand dost Thou lift her, and with Thy
left hand dost Thou strike her into the abyss,
and she knows not why.

In her mouth Thou blowest the breath of life,
and in her heart Thou sowest the seeds of death.

Thou dost show her the path of happiness,
but Thou leadest her in the road of misery;
in her mouth Thou dost place a song of happiness,
but then Thou dost close her lips with sorrow and dost
fetter her tongue with agony.

With Thy mysterious fingers dost Thou dress her wounds,
and with Thine hands Thou drawest the dread of pain
round her pleasures.

In her bed Thou hidest pleasure and peace,
but besides it Thou dost erect obstacles and fear.

Thou dost excite her affection through Thy will,
and from her affection does shame emanate.

By Thy will Thou showest her the beauty of creation,
but her love for beauty becomes a terrible famine.

Thou dost make her drink life in the cup of death,
and death in the cup of life.

Thou purifiest her with tears, and in tears her life streams away.

Oh, Lord, Thou hast opened my eyes with love,
and with love Thou hast blinded me.

last words.

I could only cry

feeling of useless was struggling  in my chest

couldn’t bear to see him wrestled with death

moaned and groaned resignedly

I could only wish

If God allow me to replace him

but the desire was stream away with tears

such as footprint erased by waves

I hugged him and whispered

“please stay with me”

he weakly open his palms

written there “I will always love you”

bitterness slicing inside my bones

half of my soul gone along with him

after he carved his last words in my life

then he sailed to the forest of immortal

Continue reading

a sonnet of painful

the loud sound of blast
broke the silence of the night
splitting the dream
start creating the sonnet of painful

innocence babies crying
children screaming bewilderment
they could only crying and screaming
since they are really in frightened

debris everywhere, flame here and there
bodies lay bathed in blood
bodies lay lifeless
some moaning, some silent

some hurt
some dead
some became defectively
some became orphan

tears will not be enough to pay for grief
regret will not return the dead
the guilt has to live tormented
in this world and hereafter



– mei –

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before the last departure

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at the corner of the room
he is moaning, writhing
the demand is heading
sweat, saliva and snot
fused as a stream
his eyes inverted
tongue hanging

he grab the syringe
stabbed in to his arm
then enjoy the drugs
flowing to the body
a delicious torment
created by his own

his mother who sits at the side bed
doesn’t know what else to do
tears on the corner of her eyes

he looked at her with guilty feeling
wipe away her tears
and make promise again
for the umpteenth time
to no longer use it

she just sit flat
doesn’t believe

he knelt down and wept
“I’m not going to make you cry again,
please believe me for the last time”

she hold and hugged him
“keep on promise to yourself,
for me, your promise is just a mirage”

image by : Suki has an opinion
- mei -

a fact of losing

 sit still
facing at the tomb
his eyes saying
he is in pain
he walk
leaving the tomb
although his heart saying
to keep staying

he has to walk
and face forward … even
has to carrying the wound
which sharply divide his inner
regret of losing
excruciating his chest
but he has to keep….  move on

feels like
the road is so long and lonely
to walk on alone
no hand to hold
nor smile and laughter
behind the barrow


– mei –

my guardian angel

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last wishper

He emerged behind the dewy bush
like a newborn baby
shouting and dancing
but he was so pale
shivering while dancing

throwing himself on
the wet grass

began to cry then asking
what’s the difference between
dreams and reality

please tell me
I’ve been looking for the answer
around the rooms in my body

but nothing found
this is the reality of a painful
while I want to be cured
just like a dream which is also abused me

soon after he sat
lifted both hands and began to pray
“Oh god, if that is what you want
then I must accept”. Amen “.
while take a deep breath he whispered
“Thanks God for released me from reality and guiding me to a wonderful dreams”.

  • Dreams (

Look into our selves

many more disasters
come and go
Haiti, Indonesia, Australia, Brazil
and others
corpses everywhere
echoed of wailing cries
is this a sign of apocalypse
is the earth getting older
why this all happened
no one knew

except look into ourselves
ask to our selves
Of any mistakes we’ve made
did we made enough
for our world
or just took in greed
ignore the responsibilities
it’s a cue
to straighten ourselves
to clean
inner and outer
to clean
heart and soul
of anger and spiteful
of greed and hypocrisies
to aware
it’s also has demands
from us to be fulfilled
keep sustainability
for the sake of human being
the sky is above
the earth is beneath
carry both in good
by being good
no more cries
no more corpse
no more loosing
among us and  our earth

W a t e r

glimpse by the sun
so beautiful

sparkling like diamonds
such as morning dews
such as tears
cold, satisfying thirst
life depending on it
we need it
we need them
keep and cherish it
Maintain sustained
just use to taste
no water
no life
Neither do we
do not let it upset

gathered  drops
become large and lots
creating  flood
rumbled, crashing blindly

harm and kill
cherish and grateful
to the nature
on behalf of
our children

our grandchildren
and the next generation
to their future

submission to Thursday Poets Rally Week 36 Dec 29. 2010 - Jan 5. 2011 
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good bye best friend…, good bye

that beautiful face

carved by wrinkles of pain
her enchanting smile vanished
change to groans
those beautiful brown eyes
planted of suffering
sometime conscious

of the heavy suffer
but it’s not enough
to make as reason
nor to decline
or discouraging spirit
like a whip plash
lash to keep moving
keep continued
fighting and struggling
against the pain
even it’s the last chance
still has to be reached
then she try again
with her last strength
suddenly just stop
weakly eyes tearing
seems  she realized
the battle cannot be won
in despair feel no pain
distance……, breaths
weakly breath
silence surrounding
I have no heart to tell
But it should be told
my friend you tried so hard
with no regret no doubt

if you have to …., please go
the angels will be by your side
taken you in rest and peace
till we meet again
good-bye best friend…..good bye



My eyes  see
don’t ask what I saw


My ears hear
don’t ask what I heard

My lips kiss
don’t ask who had been kissed

My hand holds
don’t ask who was held

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my eyes, ears, lips and hands ….., they are still at placed
and I….,
I am here … but could not feel it
perhaps I’m on way to find eternity


– mei –