the answer


though silence like the night
does not mean I can not talk
I am just trying to understand

though restless as the clouds
does not mean I can not be still
I am just waiting for an answer

when I look into the mirror
I can not see my face
but only a grain of sand
that slam by waves to the beach

when I opened the window
I flown by the winds like a piece of dried leaves
soar and stranded at a pair of legs

and when I turned up
there are Thy hand
reaching out to me to stand


– mei –


chasing the shadow



I can see the sun
why can’t I see my shadow
pouring prayer and praises into the cup of faith 


I can see the dark
I can see my shadow
sipping the wine of pleasure from the cup of sin 

Oh Allah …..,
I am just a grain of substances
which was allowed to stop by and enjoy life
but tend to choose pleasure than piety
I’ve crossed the ocean to the edge of universe
to correct  the mistake of my shadow
it has to come from the fibers of this self
to kneel below Thy splendor


– mei –







if we look back on our life,
we see pain,

but wait a minute

just see in the mirror,
there is strength,
learned lessons,
pride in our self

keep looking ahead
and believe
that tomorrow is a promise


Dear past,
thank you for your lessons.
Dear future.
I am ready.
Dear God.
thank you for another year.



– mei –



before I say “Amen”




I once drank the wine of  bitter life
which slammed this soul into the aisle of emptyness
all seems so unfair
the road ahead seems endless
and sometime the dream so far away
but when I almost surrender
I stop and remember
the endless love that freely given
so that I could survive until this moment
and never forget the harsh lessons in my life
it make me stronger
before I say ‘Amen
I’ll also pray for the people
who is reading this
shall have the comfort, peace and love
I may not know their troubles
but God…., You do
give them the strength as given to me
keep them safe from worldly temptations of this winding life
and arrived safe in Your kingdom of love
Thank you God




– mei –


His answers


I asked God to omit my problems.
His answer:
No…, your problems not for eliminated but need to be defeated.

I asked God to heal my disability
His answer:
No…, your body is just temporarily but keep your soul to be perfect

I asked God to give me patience
His answer:
No…, patience is the result of trouble not for given but to be learned

I asked God to bless me
His answer:
No…, I had give you thankfulness so your life will never be in lacked.

I ask God to keep me away from suffering
His answer:
No…, suffer will keep you away from worldly attention but bring you closer to me.

I asked God to grown my faith
His answer:
No…, your faith has to grow itself but I will prune to quickly bear the fruit

I ask God to give me everything so I could enjoy life
His answer:
I gave you life to enjoy everything.

I ask God to help me love others as He loves me.
Then He said:
“Hmm….. finally you understood”


– mei –


ended without known


they say life is a stage

that played the story about life

God is the director


I am the actor


the script had yet received

so I do not know what my role is

they say;

the story has been compiled

and …. I need no script

just act till the drama ended

how is the end of the story?

they say … they did not know

then I play the role

as the will of the Supreme Director

rolling willingly like stone

flowing sincere like river

follow the stories that been compiled

ended without known


– mei –

no problem…, no God

within this life

when there is no problem

we just stay quiet

enjoying the comfort

sunk in pleasure


when the problem came

we think

we move

we struggle against it


at such moment

we remember God

we asking and pleading
hoping to be  granted


– mei


the night is getting old
I closed the window
turn off the light
lay this body
on the mattress
and closed my eyes
sudden I remembered
gee ….
I forgot to say
“thanks for everything God”


– mei –

the void of soul


restless, why did you locked the soul in the dark
letting me crawled blindly

Continue reading

the remaining soul

his shadow slowly disappears

take along half of my soul

dragging the hope to disappointment

splitting the dreams of being wound

God…….I’m not asking you

to bring him back

nor to heal this wound

but with this remaining soul

please strengthen me


– mei –

shame on me

Continue reading

if God wills – insha’Allah

oh mom  
please forgive me  
of everything I did that make you sad
oh dad  
please forgive me  
for all delinquencies that make you angry  
oh my brothers and sisters  
I am so sorry  
on my nosy acts that upsets you  
oh my beloved ones  
I am so sorry  
for my behavior and negligence that disappoints you

oh my God please forgive my sins
thank you for the opportunity to worship in the holy month

with your forgiveness
I hope to fully past the holy month of fasting without hindrances


– mei –

Continue reading

no differences

Me only have one ambition, y’know.
I only have one thing I really like to see happen.
I like to see mankind live together – black, white, Chinese, everyone – that’s all.
– Bob Marley –

If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
– John F. Kennedy –


– mei –

Mother Teresa


Spread love everywhere you go

first of all in your own house.

Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor .

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.

Be the living expression of God‘s kindness;
kindness in your face
kindness in your eyes
kindness in your smile
kindness in your warm greeting.

Mother Teresa


– mei –

Continue reading

is not due to the chance

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the because that countless

do I have love
yes I do

to whom
to my God


He will embraced me while I am in hardship

He will give when I am asking

He will loving me forever

no comparison to His love

His love is limitless

He is the unconditionally love
He is my everlasting lover

لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله

my mail to a haven’t met brother

somewhere far away
at a place that I couldn’t see
a land which I might never be there
there is a friend
a very good friend
which I have not met
which I have not seen
but has a beautiful heart
who I think had been sent by God
to raised the spirit on my empty days
to care earnestly and sincerely love me
thank you so much for being a wonderful friend
thanks you so much for loving me, brother
I will love you as much as you loved me
I will pray for your freely loving care
blessed your beautiful heart
blessed be for always
blessed you

Continue reading

since I left my heart



I left my heart under the wet ground
sprinkled with rose petals
to make it look beautiful from the taints of disappointment

I left my heart under the wet ground
sprinkled with white jasmine
to make it look clean from the taints of pain

I left my heart under the wet ground
covered with the smiles
for no one would know that my soul is crying

now I have no heart
I would not know any of pain
since I cannot feel anymore

suddenly someone put a little piece of love in my hand
and said take back your heart then give it to God
let His love heal the pain

Continue reading

have not had the time to bloom

you had said I must be patient and courageous
so I want you also be patient and courageous to faced this

you said if I cry then I will look ugly
so I want you not to cry
then I will remember you as beauty as seen

you had taught me to sincerity give and be given
so I want you to sincerity release me

oh my mother

please do not cry
I am not going too far
just to be close to God
as you said that God loves his children
well I am one of them
and I think He misses me
therefore He asks me to come closer

I know that you will miss me
as I will also miss you
I hope you could release the sense of longing
by seeing those flowers in our garden
cause I would be among them
as a flower bud that have not had the time to bloom
although not for quite long
I am grateful of being your daughter
I love you mother

“a must” be inherent dust

I am just dust

which inherent in your ear

sometimes in the eye

makes you disturbed and dirty

but wait……

I had never heard you complain about me

or even sighing annoyed

you instead protects me

you give when I ask

you hold when I cry

oh my God……..

I feel ashamed and wanted to run away

but I am not able

because I need you


I know

if I leave you

then I will no longer being the dust

but will became trash


you will not allowed me to inherent even on your foot


last words.

I could only cry

feeling of useless was struggling  in my chest

couldn’t bear to see him wrestled with death

moaned and groaned resignedly

I could only wish

If God allow me to replace him

but the desire was stream away with tears

such as footprint erased by waves

I hugged him and whispered

“please stay with me”

he weakly open his palms

written there “I will always love you”

bitterness slicing inside my bones

half of my soul gone along with him

after he carved his last words in my life

then he sailed to the forest of immortal

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before the last departure

Continue reading


living day-by-day
between the sweetness and bitterness
singing, laughing and crying
involved in the black and white of life

under the pouring rain wet by sins
wallowing in the mud of pleasure
under the sunlight dried by wildness
to be swallowed and united with contempt

using the leaves of greed
trying to clean up the dirt
then burn all the responsibilities
with the denial twigs as the coal

but the root of firmness still remaining
which wondering if there still a chance
to guard which had been lent
to keep the trust that given

then realized why could only
asking more and more than giving
regret penetrating to the entire chest
wailing in the tears of remorse

through the body and soul
above the mats strewn with flowers of hope
a plea has been sent for Thy forgiveness
kneeling and thankful for Thy love
which has been given for years in life

to Thee

I am weak and helpless
like a grain of sand carried by wind
I am nothing and stupid
drifting in the world’s hypocrisy
dirty, wrapped in sins
to Thee
I have to kneel

to Thee
I could only plead

For not to leave me
walking without Thy guidance
wandering without Thy love
bestowed me Thy blessings
for me to love and to be loved
to forgive and to be forgiven
a strong love to Thee
flowing with my breath
in my blood

to Thee
Thou are the truth
Thou are the glorious
Thou are the power
Thou is perfect
let me feel Thy grace
have mercy on me and forgive my sins
my God
my only Lord

my worship shall only
to Thee


last wishper

He emerged behind the dewy bush
like a newborn baby
shouting and dancing
but he was so pale
shivering while dancing

throwing himself on
the wet grass

began to cry then asking
what’s the difference between
dreams and reality

please tell me
I’ve been looking for the answer
around the rooms in my body

but nothing found
this is the reality of a painful
while I want to be cured
just like a dream which is also abused me

soon after he sat
lifted both hands and began to pray
“Oh god, if that is what you want
then I must accept”. Amen “.
while take a deep breath he whispered
“Thanks God for released me from reality and guiding me to a wonderful dreams”.

  • Dreams (

good bye best friend…, good bye

that beautiful face

carved by wrinkles of pain
her enchanting smile vanished
change to groans
those beautiful brown eyes
planted of suffering
sometime conscious

of the heavy suffer
but it’s not enough
to make as reason
nor to decline
or discouraging spirit
like a whip plash
lash to keep moving
keep continued
fighting and struggling
against the pain
even it’s the last chance
still has to be reached
then she try again
with her last strength
suddenly just stop
weakly eyes tearing
seems  she realized
the battle cannot be won
in despair feel no pain
distance……, breaths
weakly breath
silence surrounding
I have no heart to tell
But it should be told
my friend you tried so hard
with no regret no doubt

if you have to …., please go
the angels will be by your side
taken you in rest and peace
till we meet again
good-bye best friend…..good bye