I am between two different worlds
my soul confused about which world to go
both are black
The other side of me #4
Protected: Golden Reunion
what happened, let happen
while braiding my hair, mom advised me
I nod once in a while
reminded me not to come home late
I said goodbye and ran to school
at school, we laughed, joked, chased each other
free like dragonflies
time running very fast
left memories and millions of dreams
hibiscus nodding sleepily
Mango leaves swinging gently
they lulled peacefully
waiting for tomorrow
I silently sat staring at the night
while my head haunted by many things
ask, criticize and scold my self
then cry and cry
somehow I open the window’s dusty curtain
tonight the moon give more light
took a deep breath
and give everything to Him
-mei-
distant land
fly little fireflies
fly gracefully
tell my mom I miss her
fly little fireflies
fly to the land above the clouds
tell my mom I’ll be there one day
– mei –
The other side of me #3
what lies behind us
and
what lies before us
are small matters
compare to what lies within us
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
mei
The other side of me #2
Drawn for 26 days during the month of Ramadhan 2016 (fasting month)
– mei –
a search
whether they knew
in my solitude
to the moon I talk…, and even if appears
to the stars, I complain…, and even if it blinks
with the chant of wind, I knit silence
and passed the time with a small candle glowing reluctantly
o how sad
this heart wrapped in bitterness thus not able to welcome love
these eyes were not able to gaze the world which clouded by hypocrisy
this tongue not able to spell the misery of soul which wallowed in loneliness
and they called me as
a cool breeze that touches the dried soul
harp’s string that calmed the rhythm of the heart
and my poem were the words of gods
their assessment was too high
gosh…., I’m just someone
whose befriended with night and sleeping in the cocoon of loneliness
whose thought and feelings were searching for the justification
of self and the greatest meaning of life
***
(written 3 years ago in my old book)
-mei-
***
future imagining
if love is gone
from the face of this earth
no more smiling lips
no more hands to shake
ambition chasing one another
without shame
the dome of egoism created
full of lies and falsehoods
driven by pride
desires about love
spoken without words
as if chained by the tongue
drifting in the arid heart
–mei-
***
The other side of me #1
My first zentangle.
August 12, 2015
Allah
created when waiting for azan (the call to pray)
-mei-
***
jealous
you leave without cues
like dust blown by the wind
the inside part of me goes
floating on the waves of my days
I love you best friend
longing to share
like stars with the night
like loyal dews to the dawn
every single moment has jealousy
how happy you are up there
floating among the clouds without load
while me….
collecting second by second
counting time to be with you
*
mei
***
different
deep inside
the pain forced me to cry
as the rain beats down
upon my empty eyes
merges with my warm tears
wets the sidewalks
we use to pass by every day
the same sidewalks
not the same anymore
***
mei
*
still
on the moon I paint this smile
to the night I leave my loneliness
through the wind I send this longing
in dreams I let this love permeated
*
mei
***
imperfections
your imperfection makes me understand you better
*
my imperfections make you understand me better
*
my friend
*
we are now sitting side by side
walking hand in hand
*
the imperfections have become perfect
*
mei
***
imperfections would be perfect
if accepted with sincerity
-nafaz-
***
photo by Ronizar Rozavian.
changed
just with
one touch
one kiss
and
one dance
you’ve changed my life
now
I am standing strong
with my head held high smiling
willing to live, love and laugh
yet my soul
just to be with you
***
mei
*
Maria Grujicic
bored
I am saturated
of translating the night’s songs
I am tired
of counting the stars
I want to go
flying among the clouds
to avoid this loneliness
I want to be blown by the wind
greet the leaves
pinching butterflies
chatting with birds
then my days remain unfilled
and ends with a smile
—
mei
–
through a star
in the night mist before dawn
while gazing at the stars
here… inside me
your presence felt strongly
gaze at the same star
I think love will never come back
apparently it never goes
just like the scent of wine that’s left
a taste of love will linger after
at this moment…
it’s the only dream
yet our new tomorrow will come
when there is no distance
no different time and space
and no more goodbye
to the moments that timeless
—
mei
-()-
to my dear faraway friend
cry my friend… please cry
release the tightness of the chain
let the tears of sadness
dried by wind to bring your pain away
cry my friend… please cry
release the heavy of burden
let the tears rolling away along with pain
dried by wind to take your sadness away
send your longing through prayer and praise
to purify your languishes soul
yet keep the beauty of memories
dancing in the deep of the soul
wish I could shoo your pain
wish I could stop it engrave your chest
wish I could be there for you
but you are too far away to be reached
I could only pray
‘Dear God …,
please give strength and fortitude
to my dear faraway friend…
for I believed
the trials that given would not exceed her ability.’
*
mei
***
the secret of life too complicated to understand too high to be touched too deep to be withdrawn however ended in death - nafaz- ***
lonesome
sail the ocean under the silver moon
lulled in a deep stillness
maybe you are longing
maybe you are in blue
maybe you are in lonesome
walking on the fallen leaves under the rain
lulled in deep lonely
I am longing
I am in blue
I am lonesome
you are alone
I am alone
we are lonesome
hoping the dream comes
*
***
a sacred wish
silently known
laying in the corner of each heart
the greatest honor that bestowed
love
a basic concept of perfecting the harmony of life
like music, echoed around the world
you…, me… everyone has love
everyone are entitled to live in peace
and sets us free to resonate in timeless harmony
speak the words of care to bring harmony to our earth
do not let it grow like a tree in the meadow
cluttered by the wind of ego
slowly dried the branches of feelings
or let them just go away
love is a word with deeper meaning of ideal reality
the example of bearer of the light
and be the admiration of all who follow
to shine like star at the dark night of hatred
there’s an inner voice whispering clear to our ears
there’s a sacred sense beating in our hearts
closer and true than we realize
love,
speaking for all creatures
speaking for all the living to shine together
***
Is there beauty in messing up?
good old friends
42 years have passed
your hair has become gray
mine as well
my face was wrinkled
your’s too
you changed, I changed…., we all changed
*
only one thing that has not changed
the silliness of our behavior
*
*
in togetherness…
pain and lonely lost in laughter
we are grandma and grandpa
who momentarily forgotten age and grandchildren
*
let’s keep the rope of this friendship
with love and understanding
and maintain the value and meaning
to always be tightly bound
*
*
one day
when no one cares to wipe my tears
when no one comes to ease my pain
when no one can be invited to reminisce
when I feel left out
be friendly with loneliness
I knew you will be there for me
Hopefully we could be best friends
until we should start all over again as new friends
when senility force us to ask over and over… “who are you?”
I thank God who has given the opportunity to meet and get together with good old friends,
and thank you for being my wonderful old friends
*
dedicated to my high school friends SMA PSKD 1, graduated on 1972
***
“Learn to be a good friend because one day when you look aside he may not be there anymore”.
– meiro –
if
*
if this life is a game
whether I’ll be the player or spectator
if I’m a spectator
then I will sit in place yelling to support the players
but if I am the player then I should win
if life is a theater
whether I’ll be the actor or director
if I am the actor I have to act very well
but if I in charged as the director
then I have to responsible for the success of the drama
ah …. so complicated and confusing
perhaps life is not to choose
as well as it can’t be assumed
I guess I have to keep dancing
floating along the rhythm of life
and enjoy the elegance of its music
***
an ‘inevitability’
….and I stay stunned
one other soul leave the body
a life changed to a death
if I die…. oh no
I’m not ready yet
suddenly my brain says:
“I knew, you knew… we all knew
every soul that breathes will surely die
because death is an ‘inevitability’
it will come to anyone, anytime, anywhere
no delay… no resist… no exception”
then my heart interrupts:
“it’s not to be feared
if you have enough charities
to get the key of the hereafter”
***
“Who are often remembering the death and diligently prepare to face death
will get the serenity of the world and the glory of the hereafter. “
– Prophet Muhammad –
dancing above the questions
*
*
through words I let this self danced above the questions
what is life and what is death
why we have to survive to live if dead is peacefulness
so many mysteries in this world that questionable
creates so many curiosities and foster a self creativity
I do not want this curiosity die
it would caused this self creativity stopped
then my life would be monotonous as a robot
a significant life
right ….that’s my wish
so I will keep dancing above the questions
stepping honestly …. moving relentlessly
though the answers obtained yet not satisfactory
again I let myself continue dancing above the questions
spin and keep spinning like earth
till the meaning of life be understood
*
mei
***
give but never promised
the chapter of 2013 just completed
now I just start writing the second pages of chapter 2014
it’s really an awesome book
the mistakes made on previous pages cannot be edited
but could be written better on the next page
and the book covers were beautiful
the birth date as front cover and the date of death as back cover yet could not be seen
the book’s page are pure white that gives me chances to correct the mistakes of previous pages
if you ask will the story ended happy
I really do not know…., but of course that is my dream
I am just the author and the storyline is the authorization of the owner of book of life
through the holy book He told me to write rightly and even better than on earlier chapter
because once written….. it could never be edited
thus the following pages should be written proper and carefully
happy writing in your book of life
there will always be a new page as the opportunity to do something right in the days of life
please write with the ink of love and compassion, and the pen of wisdom .
I pray may God will always be with you in every step
He never promised that the sky will always blue, the flowers will always bloom
and your days will always be brighter
but
He always gives rainbow in every storm, smile for tears,
blessing in each trial and answer to every prayers
Chapter 2013 life is over…., hopefully the chapter of life in 2014 will be much better
with love, light & peace,
mei
***
in search of answer
*
I rearranged the words that scattered along my note
simply to communicate with imagination and compromised with mind
about life which swayed on waves of good and bad
about the thin gap which separates right and wrong
just a simple short poem about a search of answer
that long been silent like shadow
*
***
to you and your family
word by word
from heart to heart
sentences binds us together
so that we’re never ever torn apart
on this occasion let me convey my prayer
may you and your family get nurtured with lots of love
may your hearts be filled with light, peace and faith in God
may your days of doubt be replaced with days of hope and cheer
Amen!
with love, light & peace
*
apology
no morning light greetings
no silver moon sweet smile
no beauty could be seen behind the tears of regret
dripping into the soul but unable to dissolve the feelings of guilt
if allowed
let me tuck the note of regret between your toes
let me gather the crumbs of forgiveness on the floor of your heart
so I could raise my head
to reply the morning light greetings
and gaze the sweet smile of silver moon
***
strands of blue
*
would you sit with me
waiting for the moon to emerge
would you sit by my side
to catch the bias of moonlight
so the line of your face could clearly be seen
and your eyelashes could be counted strand by strand
but you are just a shadow
silent and allied to the dark
buried in memories
enhanced the strands of my blue
***
*
image : http://www.desktopnexus.com
*
Once Upon a Time When (reblogged)
I’m just somebody
whether they knew
in my solitude
to the moon I talk…, and even then if appears
to the stars I complain…, and even then if it blinks
with the chant of wind I knit silence
and passed the time with a small candle glowing reluctantly
o how sad
this heart wrapped in bitterness thus not able to welcome love
these eyes were not able to gaze the world which clouded by hypocrisy
this tongue not able to spell the misery of soul which wallowed in loneliness
and they called me as
a cool breeze that touches the dried soul
harp’s string that calmed the rhythm of heart
and my poem were the words of gods
their assessment was too high
gosh…., I’m just somebody
whose befriended with night and sleeping in the cocoon of loneliness
whose thought and feelings were searching for the justification
of self and the greatest meaning of life
***
– mei –
*
photo credit : http://www.desktopnexus.com/
*
survive
*
with burden on my back
I have to walk
with tears and dripping sweat
no complain
just keep walking
but my steps is getting slowly
the burden feels so heavy
no longer able to bear
I am tired but won’t give up
so I put it down
and continue the journey
till time takes my breath away
***
– mei –
*
the bridge of life
*
you came in naked
wrapped in the aroma of sanctity
pure as a drop of dew released to the dawn
the color of your eyes have not touched by worldly light glare
your mother’s breasts are the first earthly enjoyment felt
as the twilight breeze touched cool and softly
the orange embrace the sunset
then dark embrace the night
shining along the bridge of life
which would be passed through
then you realized
temptations scattered like dry leaves
contemptible await their prey and ready to pounce
don’t let them damage the whitish of heart
the angel’s song swirling around
recited heavenly lyrics
verse …. by verse
hold on to the meaning
which will escort to the end
***
– mei –
*
somebody in this world
the truth is
*
*
somebody in this world would gladly trade places with you.
take time to thank God for
your family
your friends
your health and the opportunities
He has given you.
– Joel Osteen –
***
– mei –
*
photo from Google
*
the book of life
maybe I was just a word in the book of your life
or a sentence
or a paragraph
it was just a cue of my presence
but then forgotten
now you come and ask me to finish the last few chapters of the book together
but unfortunately I am not able to write one story in two different books
since I have to finish my own story
***
– mei –
*
in and out of reality
I crawled out of my skin
and curled into a ball
allowed the wind to kick me
down an endless winding road
along the way I witnessed
invisible claws dig
deep inside an open field
uncovering ancient treasures
as diamonds gradually
overwhelmed the sky
I unfurled my mind and
surrendered my spirit
to the next reality
november two thousand thirteen
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
…. without lyrics
*
o you who had been cast by the sky
the wind keep whispering your names
the sky keep painting your faces
your presence eliminates my hesitation
refreshing the wilt hope
fills in the hollow soul with passion
ssssst…….
listen!
listen to that gently rhythm
the fairies are humming
for you ….
for me ….
for all of us
a beautiful ballad without title…., without lyric
o my loved ones
whose names whispered by the wind
whose faces painted by the sky
let us write the lyrics of the ballad …. titled togetherness
o my loved ones
whose presence eliminate the doubt
whose refresh the wilt hope
let us sing along…… the song of togetherness
to fill the world’s silence with affection
***
– mei –
photo: http://www.desktopnexus.com/
*
no curves to turn back
*
*
she said to me
my dear daughter
you are walking on the path of life
have you ever ask yourself
if you have walking on the right path
when arrived at a crossroad
have you asked yourself
which direction should be taken
after direction decided
you have to assures yourself
that you have taken the right one
since there are no curves to turn back
I shuddered
started asking myself
the indecisive feelings arose
this body shivered
my soul trembled
then she said softly
sweetheart… if you are not sure
just stop for a moment
ask Him
to lead you to the right direction
***
– mei –
*
the answer
*
though silence like the night
does not mean I can not talk
I am just trying to understand
*
though restless as the clouds
does not mean I can not be still
I am just waiting for an answer
*
when I look into the mirror
I can not see my face
but only a grain of sand
that slam by waves to the beach
*
when I opened the window
I flown by the winds like a piece of dried leaves
soar and stranded at a pair of legs
*
and when I turned up
there are Thy hand
reaching out to me to stand
***
– mei –
*
the end of his career
*
*
This incredible photo marks the end of Matador Torrero Alvaro Munera’s career.
He collapsed in remorse mid-fight when he realized he was having to prompt
this otherwise gentle beast to fight. He went on to become an avid opponent of
bullfights. Even grievously wounded by picador, he did not attack this man.
Torrero Munera is quoted as saying of this moment:
“And suddenly, I looked at the bull. He had this innocence that all animals have in their eyes,
and he looked at me with this pleading. It was like cry for justice, deep down inside of me.
I describe it as being like a prayer because if one confesses, it is hope, that one is forgiven.
I felt like the worst shit on earth”.
*
from Best Quotes
***
– mei –
*
baby for rent
*
Every time I pass the hospital’s gate to visit my brother, I saw a young woman begging
while cradling her baby. As I know beggars usually looks slouchy with faces to be pitied.
But this one is different, she looks clean and smiles the time receiving the alms.
It’s inviting my attention.
One other day after the visit I have to wait for the heavy rain at the bus stop.
Then I saw her again sitting in the corner but looks gloomy.
I approached her and try to open a conversation, “Hi my name is Mei what’s yours?.
She answered reluctantly, “Kartina”.
“You have a beautiful name, how old your baby is?” while observing the baby.
He was so thin, yellow and his eyes glazed.
She looks at me with a rather wide-open eyes “He is not my baby!” she said firmly.
I was a bit surprised, “Oh I am so sorry…, I thought he is your baby because I saw you
cradle him every day!”.
“I rent him!”, she said with a barely heard sound.
This time I really shocked but try to distract her attention by offering candies.
She took and straightly eat it.
I asked her again, “I often seeing you smile, but today you seem gloomy?”
She replied without hesitation “I only get Rp. 12 thousand since this morning while
the rent of this baby is Rp. 25 thousand for one day”. she stopped, look at me with hope.
“He should be returned at 19.00 every day. But tomorrow they would not let me bring him
if I do not pay today’s rent” she sighed.
“Why should you bring the baby, isn’t that even a hassle ?”
“Well…. by carrying him my revenue could be tripled”.
“How much is your income in a day?”
“Not necessarily, but at least Rp.140 – 170 thousand !” a little pride splashed at the look of her face”.
Speechless …. didn’t know what to say….. wondered what was happening in this world.
Left her a little box of candy then said goodbye.
Went home in the cold rain yet the inside of me burning.
After the incident I never want to look at the place she was begging, I don’t have
heart to see the baby in her arms.
I would never know, whether the human moral has been slumped or this life that ruthless.
***
– mei –
*
painting the sky
sir
too long you shackled by miserable
letting me wait in uncertainty
sailing alone…. without skipper
spent my days in wondering
*
sir
why so much dark covering your soul
what the hell heaven had done on you
united with the darkness
haunted by the voices inside you
evicting you into another world
so you feel so damned
*
o sir
you have painted the sky with sadness
so the couples of seagulls
bounced away and disappeared in the distance
the sky became empty…. without painting
*
sir
wish you would open the door
and let me reaching your troubled soul
to cast away the misery
and set your spirit free
*
come on sir
the river is waiting to flow together
the leaves inviting to whisper along
or perhaps you preferred to fly along the seagulls
to paint the sky with love
***
– mei –
*
the remaining longs
*
street lights shining dimly
night wind blows a scent I’ve ever known
thrilling the remaining longs
oh that feeling is still there
*
rain began to fall
like silver needles pierce my veil
I sheltering in front of a store
wishing I was with you
*
waiting for the rain to stop
the memories about you venturing
you was the one who sow the seeds of love
you let grow large with leaves of longing
but then you left it drought
the tree of love languish
*
in this solitude
I wondered
why we met if then have to split
why should there be love
if it only makes us miserable
oh God wish I knew your purpose
*
I shudder ….. walk home in the rain
***
– mei –
*
before we complain
crying in gratitude
when….
he was getting tired
when….
he began to surrender
You hold his hand
and whisper in his ear
slowly …. the helpless legs can be driven
he cry
I cry
we all crying
in gratitude
praise be to Allah,
indeed He is the best
His greatness start to work
Alhamdulillah!!!
***
– mei –
to my dear brother Huki
“He that can have patience can have what he will.”
Benjamin Franklin
***
life & death
*
*
the life asked the death:
“I wonder. why people loving me but hate you?”
*
the death reply:
“Because you are a beautiful lie while I am a painful truth.”
*
quoted from Yanassanti Hasnam
***
– mei –
chasing the shadow
*
*
I can see the sun
but
why can’t I see my shadow
pouring prayer and praises into the cup of faith
*
I can see the dark
and
I can see my shadow
sipping the wine of pleasure from the cup of sin
*
Oh Allah …..,
I am just a grain of substances
which was allowed to stop by and enjoy life
but tend to choose pleasure than piety
I’ve crossed the ocean to the edge of universe
to correct the mistake of my shadow
turns
it has to come from the fibers of this self
to kneel below Thy splendor
***
– mei –
photo: http://www.desktopnexus.com/
*
music is my engine
It starts with typical tone in a minor which is a sign, that this is it.
It is calling me.
Like hypnosis.
In the moment it lifts my spirit.
I jump from the chair with ease into a soft dance.
These Arabic rhythms are so natural to me.
They are so wild and so tender… everything at once.
They are uncontrollable.
They are free. I am free to merge with God.
I turn together with this music around the Sun.
*
*
I am this music.
I feel it in my solar plexus,
I feel it in my heart,
I feel it in my head and in my blood.
I breathe music.
I am in love.
In a trance.
I am Scheherazade who is flying on a carpet through the Universe with the speed of light.
I am high.
I am peace.
I have super powers.
I am full of energy.
I am powerful like a Gods.
I am really me.
I am turning and turning.
Music is my engine.
I am turning and turning like I am not from here.
Music are actually words from God changed into songs, so that we can all understand Him.
– Jalaluddin Rumi –
*
lullaby
*
Source: Uploaded by user via Mei on Pinterest
*
goodnight little baby…., goodnight
turn off the light…., sleep tight
feel free to coloring your dream
before your gentle smile touched by problems
before the tempest inflict you tears
before vinegar drips into the clarity of your soul
sleep little angel…., sleep quietly in my cradle
my prayers will be the shade of your soul
my support will be the pole of your self-confidence
my lap will be the place of your spilling tears
sleep my love…., sleep quietly
I will always be here
heaven chose me to be your mother
***
– mei –
*
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